spirited away // Mable (dreameee) wrote in kanjani8,
spirited away // Mable
dreameee
kanjani8

hello :)

heyy i'm new to livejournal but i've really had alot of fun looking through this community :) i think kanjani is really cute and they really lift my mood haha.

anyways i can speak english, mandarin, and japanese, so if you guys need any translations of chinese or japanese stuff do feel free to approach me... i can't think of any other way to contribute to the community.

yup... anyway i'd like to share a fic i wrote too... but it's not very well written. it's my first time writing afterall. feedback of any kind is welcome.

Pairings: Ohyass, Yasuba (slight)
Genere: AU, Angst

 

Even now, remembering the accident was no easy feat for Tadayoshi. He had been drunk, and the car was moving way too fast. Outside, trees and buildings rushed past in a mad, wild, mess that mirrored the torrents of emotions warring inside him. He couldn't see clearly where he was going ,and next to him, Shota fidgeted nervously, as though silently pleading with him to slow down the car. And then, all of a sudden, there was a flash of light, a loud bang, a scream, and then a blanket of darkness that had enveloped him.

 

That had been two years ago.

 

Staring down at Shota's still and lifeless body, Tadayoshi's fists clenched into tight balls; his fingernails leaving little crescents on the insides of his palms. Tears threatened to spill again, as remorse, anguish, and sorrow flooded his mind. He could still remember waking up to a dull ache throughout his body, and hearing the doctors tell him that they had bad news for him - Shota had been badly hurt in the crash and was in a coma.

 

Two years, and Shota still hadn't awoken.

 

Throughout these two years, Tadayoshi never stopped to berate himself for all the times he hadn't been there for Shota; all the things he wished he'd told Shota but never had the courage to. He couldn't even remember the last time he told him he loved him. It was true, how everyone always claimed to learn to treasure those around them only after having lost.

 

I'm sorry, Shota. Would you open your eyes to see me say these words?

 

For the past two years, Tadayoshi had stopped by at Shota's hospital ward after work each day. It had become a daily ritual: holding Shota's hand, and telling him he was sorry, then begging him to wake up. Some days, he would plead with Shota till his voice went hoarse. On others, he would simply hold Shota's hand up to his lips and kiss his knuckles tenderly, silently urging him to open his eyes. Some days, Subaru came too, and he, too, would watch over Shota silently. They never once talked, though, Subaru and Tadayoshi. Not since before the accident. It was always a quiet nod from each, to acknowledge each other's presence, and then an uneasy silence would settle between them. It was pretty clear that Subaru had never quite forgiven him for landing Shota in this state, and perhaps he never would. Tadayoshi didn't mind though; It wasn't forgiveness he wished for these days. He just wanted Shota to wake up and be happy.

 

Today, Tadayoshi found himself sitting by Shota's side once again. Taking his usual seat beside Shota's hospital bed, he caressed Shota's small hand within his larger ones, and started to speak.

 

And then, he felt it. Freezing in position and unsure if he had imagined it, Tadayoshi stared at Shota hesitantly. Then, he felt it again. This time, it was unmistakable. Shota's fingers had twitched against his hand; the first sign of life in two years.

 

Tadayoshi felt his heart skip a beat, his shoulders tensing in reflex as he watched Shota's eyes flutter open, shut; open, shut. It was like watching a movie in slow motion, and time seemed to come to a stand still as Tadayoshi opened his mouth to shout for a nurse or a doctor.

 

***

 

After 15 agonizing minutes of waiting outside the hospital ward, the doctor finally opened the door to let him in. Heart pounding and palms sweaty, Tadayoshi braced himself for the moment he'd been waiting for and walked towards Shota's bed. He reached out to touch Shota when suddenly, Shota's voice rang out in the tomb-like silence of the hospital ward, "Who… are you?"

 

Tadayoshi blinked and froze.

 

"The doctors say you've been coming everyday. Do I know you?"

 

"I… What?!" Tadayoshi turned in confusion to stare at the doctor. Panic coursed through his veins, and his voiced raised up several notches. "Why is this happening? Why doesn't he know who I am?"

 

The doctor bowed apologetically, "I'm so sorry, sir. I believe he's suffering from amnesia… "

 

"Amnesia?! What… Like in the movies?" Tadayoshi had a strange urge to laugh at the absurdness of the whole situation. "Don't fucking joke with me."

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shota flinch slightly at the harsh tones of his voice. Cursing mentally. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes for a second or two, then spun around and left the ward abruptly.

 

Ironically, he found himself speeding down the highways again. Two years had come to pass… and at the end of the day, this was what he was left with.

 

Perhaps Shota would remember him one day; perhaps he never would. Tadayoshi was tired of thinking, tired of hoping, and tired of wishing. Needing a place to find some peace of mind, he stopped the car by the bridge where it had all started for him. This was where he'd first met Shota, whose bright eyes and innocent smile had captured his heart in a fraction of a second. They'd been drawn to each other almost instantly, like two opposite poles of a magnet. Tadayoshi wondered if it had been a mistake to have entered Shota's life. If Shota had never met him, he'd probably have led a much simpler life - graduating from the art college he'd been attending, getting a job as a children's book illustrator (it had been his dream), and then meeting someone who'd be able to give him more stability in his life. Perhaps this was where it would all end for him and Shota.  It was time to say their goodbyes. Pulling a pen and note book out of his pocket, and tearing out a couple of pages, Tadayoshi started to write…

 

He returned to the hospital and peeped into the ward. Subaru was there, talking to Shota. Tadayoshi wondered if Shota remembered who Subaru was. The smile on Shota's face made Tadayoshi's heart twitch painfully. He knew he'd probably never see that smile ever again.

 

He stopped a nurse who was walking by, “Please help me pass this letter to the patient in room 301… Thank you."

 

 

If forgetting will make you happy, then may you never remember. Be happy, Shota. That’s all I ask for.

 

Then, Tadayoshi turned and left, walking out of the hospital and walking out of Shota's life.

 

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

- Eloisa to Abelard

 


Tags: fanwork: fanfiction
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